There is a duality to all things: But it’s not black and white, it’s a spectrum.
There is a duality to all things. Light and dark, good and bad, seen and unseen, etc. I don’t think any of these are black and white though, it’s more of a spectrum where you can shift back and forth in each moment. It’s these thoughts that bring me here to share my stories.
I have a family, business, friends, and a job. A life. I’ve shared much of my life, but some of it isn’t for everyone I know. Some of it needs to be shared in a way that protects others because it’s not my story to share. Some of it, I’m only just tapping into and it isn’t ready for immediate family. That’s why I’m here. To share my truth in a way that is comfortable and safe.
The Sun
The sun is always the same. It never changes its light. Sometimes we see this light, sometimes we see the dark. The dark is always there, it's just in a different part of the world.
A person can be happy and sad. They can show off the happy, light, parts sometimes, but still, know that the dark parts are there. And vice versa.
At this point in my life, I am sad. I am feeling broken. Feeling like I ‘should’ be somewhere else, feeling like I’ve got a lot of wild left to get out, yet unable to. Yet I experience more happy moments, more moments at peace, I’ve seen more success, than in previous years. It’s a strange thing. To be more aware of the dark, yet feel more joy.
In years past, I spent most of my time in the dark, depression, guilt, fear, and embarrassment were daily feelings. The light — joy, love, excitement, etc only came out a small portion of the time. They were fleeting. Now life is shifting so that the parts are more equal. I’m more in the middle of the spectrum. I see them more often. It's a revolution. A change of season. If we keep with the sun analogy, the globe is rotating into a new season where the light shines differently.
It's a bit disorienting. Like I’m not sure how to be. What to do. I feel both sides more deeply. This means I’m in a space where I need to constantly forgive myself for feeling like I’m broken, like if life is better, I ‘shouldn’t feel the darkness anymore. It’s a daily practice to remember you can experience darkness and still have a good life.
We Need Both
We need both light and dark. If you don’t have the light, you can’t feel the dark. If you don’t know the dark, you can’t feel the light.
Now that the light and joy shows up more, the dark is also revealed more. I can see the nuance, see what triggers the dark, and feel each more clearly.
Have you ever seen a week or a month where every day was cloudy, and then out of nowhere the clouds part and the sun shines brightly? It’s like that. You’ve gotten so used to the dark, you enjoy the light more. And when it goes back to being cloudy, you feel that too more deeply.
I’m feeling these emotions, and sometimes people don’t understand how I can be feeling both. You may not know my real name, but you may know my real experiences.
There is nothing broken about you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are allowed and even encouraged to feel both the light and the dark, the entire spectrum of emotions. If you’ve been giving yourself a hard time about still feeling down, give yourself some forgiveness and grace today. You are perfect, and you are not alone.
