My husband called me gross and I laughed.
There’s the super short, to the point version. He said the changes I had made were gross, and that I needed to make some changes because I was letting myself go. I laughed. Well, I did my best to not laugh at him, and to explain that I didn’t see it as letting myself go, but as being comfortable with how I see myself and how my body works.
See, earlier in the year, I had stopped shaving. I hadn’t been shaving my legs often for a year or two, but this time I had stopped altogether. Legs, pits, etc. Shaving had never been comfortable for me. I did it because I was afraid of what others might say. I didn’t like how much time it took, and I really didn’t like how it felt. No clue how much has been spent on trying different razors, shaving creams, and deodorants, it just always felt like I was giving myself a rash on purpose. Then when I sweat, I would get red bumps that just made everything more uncomfortable. It’s really hard to do anything outside while you’re trying to not put your arms down because it’s painful.
Over time, I began to have more confidence in myself. To see me in a better light, and to accept all the parts of me. During that spring and summer, I had started going outside in shorts that I loved, and even tank tops, not caring that I hadn’t shaved. At first, it was simply because I hadn’t taken the time and it was starting to show. Then I began realizing that it was actually way more comfortable. Many of my issues were resolved. That turned into accepting and loving myself including the extra hair, not in spite of it.
But one day my husband asked to talk to me, he was serious and clearly uncomfortable about something. It was the not shaving. Many things were said, but the part that sticks out to me was that I was gross for not shaving, and I needed to do something about it, because he thought I was simply letting myself go and not trying anymore. Even with an explanation of my reasons why he wouldn’t accept it. It’s frustrating, but in the end, I haven’t changed much. I enjoy who I am. I love my body. I use a few more essential oils now as a compromise, but a razor won’t be coming back.
